by Cindy Beall
I felt nothing.
I was numb at home. I loved my family because I was still serving them, but my heart was just numb.
I was numb at church. I loved the people we led, but simply went through the motions while I was there.
I was numb to just about everything. And even though I didn’t like where I was, I just couldn’t seem to crawl out of this place of just existing.
Ever been there? That place of just doing the same ol’ routines because you are expected to and you have absolutely no desire to do it. Where you so desperately want to experience life again and nothing, not even winning a free trip to Maui, would make you feel better.
(Well, maybe it would make you feel a little better.)
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 NIV
Eventually, I figured out why I was in this numb state of mind. I stopped guarding my heart. I let so many things into it that were unhealthy, impure, untrue, unlovely and quite frankly, ungodly. And when you allow all sorts of words into your heart that begin with im- or un-, it can’t not be affected. It just is, and mine just was.
I battled through this by doing the exact opposite of what I had been doing. And I do mean battled. Instead of feeding my flesh and succumbing to its every desire, I chose to nourish my spirit instead. The flesh wants what it wants, when it wants, and how much it wants. I knew this and had to take radical action against it. So I did a lot of new things that weren’t really new, but were “new to me” since I hadn’t been faithful in doing them.
I prayed more.
I worshipped more.
I read the Word more.
I listened to podcasts and messages more.
I read books more.
I didn’t focus on the stopping of the things that led my heart toward numbness. I simply focused on doing the things that would heal my very damaged and numb heart. I began to submerge my mind in God’s Word and held on to its truth. I didn’t allow my feelings to dictate my life. I listened to messages from godly men and women as they transplanted some of their courage into me.
And as I did this, as I pressed into the Father, my heart began to come alive. Again.
What’s got your heart? What types of things are you allowing to occupy most of your thoughts? What things do you listen to or watch on a regular basis? You could ask yourself any or all of these questions. But the real question to ask yourself is this: What are you feeding? The flesh or the Spirit?
As daughters of the greatest King of the world, we have all that we need to combat this place of numbness in our lives. We do. He deposited His power into us on the day of our salvation and we have everything we need for a life of godliness. We are overcomers in Christ and we can overcome any deceitful feelings that are wreaking havoc in our lives.
His power is just that amazing.